My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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