she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
