Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
