The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
