He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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