We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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