I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
