he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
