This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
