You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
