Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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