Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
