I think im going to throw up on grandma
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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