K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
