So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
