I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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