Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
