Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
