i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
