I have demons in me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
