Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
