that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
