Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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