I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
