I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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