so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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