Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
