Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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