I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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