do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
