No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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