That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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