Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
