My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
