got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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