I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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