I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
