i just had sex bonerless
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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