There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
