You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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