DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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