evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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