With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
