Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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