Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
