the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
