How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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