remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
