is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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