Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
third nipple confirmed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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