you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
