I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
